From Fear to Freedom: Tackling the Big 3 Fears
“As a transformational coach, I've had the wonderful opportunity to work with a number of high-performing individuals who are each seeking better balance, and a deeper sense of fulfilment in their lives. One thing that I've noticed as a commonality, is that these individuals often struggle with three specific types of fears: the fear of failure, the fear of rejection, and the fear of success.”
In this blog post, I want to explore each of these fears in a little more detail, to explain why they are so common among high achievers and also to offer some tips as to how you are able to start working with those fears.
So lets get straight to It…
The Fear of Failure
The fear of failure is something that most people experience at some point in their lives, but it can be particularly pronounced for high achievers. Being a high achiever, they are used to succeeding in their chosen fields, and the idea of failing and loosing all the accrued success that they have can be a devastating possibility to them. They worry that a failure will damage their reputation, that it will expose them as a fraud, or that it will prevent them from achieving their longer term goals. The stakes are high as they feel there is more to lose. The pressure is on.
The Fear of Rejection.
The fear of rejection is another common fear that high achievers experience. Being a high achiever, they are used to receiving praise or acknowledgement for their accomplishments and so struggle when they encounter criticism or rejection. As top performers are constantly holding themselves and working to such high standards, receiving criticism can be really challenging. These rejections can start to impact their self-esteem or make them feel like they aren’t living up to their potential.
The Fear of Success.
The fear of success is a fear that may seem counterintuitive or paradoxical for high achievers. Typically speaking, high achievers are very highly motivated and have a large drive to reach their true potential. However, with that being said - the fear of success can be a very real thing for a surprising amount of these people.
They may worry that success will change them, that it will negatively impact their lives or livelihood, that there is more to lose, that failure and rejection are more likely, and that it will come with an increased level of pressure, expectation and responsibility. In a phrase that - “Success will bring a greater burden”
My top tips for tackling the Big 3:
So now that I’ve outlined the Three types of fear, I bet you’re wondering how you can start to work with these fears?
Regularly practice reframing failure as a learning opportunity and learn to be kind to yourself.
It’s important to recognise that every failure is an opportunity to learn and grow. Failure is not final. It is usually a necessary prerequisite towards success. As I regularly say to my clients: “There are successes or there are lessons.” You know that you are starting to embrace this outlook when you are able to look at your past experiences and ask yourself “what can I take away or learn from the outcome of this situation.” Secondly, I understand that whilst logically many people will understand this reframe, it can take some time to really embody it. Therefore it is equally important to practice self-compassion and be kind to yourself when you don’t get the outcome that you were hoping for. You are only human, and you only know what you know. Prepare to the best of your capability, mitigate as much risk as possible and you’ve done all that you can, there just may be a little more to learn that you couldn’t foresee.
Set realistic goals, measure your expectancy and be both patient and persistent:
Be sure to break your larger or Long term goals down into smaller, achievable steps. This is called “chunking down.” In approaching your goals this way, you will be able to reduce the feeling of overwhelm, and enhance your focus on the task at hand. Taking one manageable step at a time reduces fear and also mitigates the possibilities of failure. Take risks that are calculated and well thought out. This will build your confidence, and will keep the momentum of your progress and action. Finally - Patience and persistence are both key to overcoming the fear of failure. Keep working towards your goals even when things get challenging or don’t go as you would hope. Remember there are always lessons to be learned, and most great things take time. As Tony Robbins says “most people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in 2 or 3 decades.”
Take note of, and celebrate all of the Wins (however small).
Be sure to celebrate every small win along the way! You could liken this to collecting evidence of success along the way. In collecting evidence of your wins (however small) you will be able to stay more motivated, disciplined and focused as you move progressively towards achieving your goals. Try not to become overly focused on the outcome, only giving yourself to permission to celebrate after you’ve achieved the final outcome, otherwise that finish line can be feel very far away. It’s so important to focus on the progress growth, improvement and progress. Be present to the process, and have gratitude for each successful step forward.
Identify your narratives and limiting beliefs.
One of the first steps to overcoming the fear of failure, success or rejection is to identify the limiting beliefs or stories that are holding you back. What beliefs or stories do you have about success, failure or rejection generally? What beliefs or stories do you have about what may happen or not happen if you fail, succeed or get rejected? What beliefs or stories do you have about what people may think or feel if you were to fail, succeed or get rejected? In understanding what beliefs or stories you are telling yourself about failure, success, or rejection - you can start to make sense of them, and then challenge them!
Focus on your strengths, and acknowledge your weaknesses.
It’s so important to focus on where your strengths lie if you wish to cultivate deeper levels of self trust and self-confidence. That being said, it’s also important to recognise your areas of weakness and to give your self an honest self appraisal regarding the areas in which you could develop or upskill. However, I caveat this by saying - working with your weaknesses does not mean you have a free pass to talk negatively to yourself. It is about ownership, responsibility, development and growth. In understanding both your strengths and weaknesses - you will be able to better set yourself for success by playing to your strengths, and developing your weakness.
Understand how fear shows up in your body.
It’s so important to recognise how fear shows up in your body, as sometimes our fear won’t always show up in a transparent manner or we may initially struggle to recognise it’s presence. We might become frantic, or fidgety. We may start to get tense and breathless. So start to pay attention to how fear presents for you. Is it in you stomach? Your shoulders? Does it effect your breathing or you ability to concentrate? The more familiar you are with how it presents in your body - you can then use that as a cue to pay attention, and then start managing your physical state as soon as possible.
Be kind to yourself.
When you are aspiring to achieving great things, whether personally or professionally - failure and rejection are inevitable at some point. Therefore, it is very important to develop practices for self-compassion, and to be kind and respectful o yourself when you don’t get the outcome that you were hoping for. Rather than berating yourself with negativity - thank yourself for all your efforts, remind yourself of everything in this post, and champion yourself to continue on the journey. Remember failure is not final. You are only human, and you only know what you know at any given point in time. Prepare to the best of your capability and capacity, mitigate as much risk as possible and then recognise that you’ve done all that you can.
Feel the fear and take action anyway.
Its not always about waiting until you feel prepared enough - its often about getting comfortable with feeling the fear and moving forwards. Whilst I feel it is important to properly prepare for anything we wish to do, it is also easy to fall into the trap of believing that we will one day feel 100% ready or capable enough to move forward, if we just do these few things first… This just enables us to indefinitely put moving forwards to some later date the never arises. A good way to combat this, is to set a specific deadline, and then work to it. You get as ready as you can - and then you take action. You’ll either succeed, or you’ll learn what you need to improve for next time. This isn’t to suggest you should walk blindly into things that you aren’t properly prepared for, but eventually it will reach that point where you need to take the leap out of your comfort zone in order to grow.
Practice self-care.
If you’re aspiring to great things, then it is incredibly important to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. In making sure that we are able to perform at our best - we will have increased levels of self trust, confidence and resilience. If we don’t immediately get the outcome that we would hope for, then we have the robustness to learn and move forward. What practices can you implement to start feeling your best physically, mentally and emotionally?
Surround yourself with supportive and loving people:
It is so important to surround yourself with people who support and encourage you. This is especially true if you’re regularly facing the possibility of potential failure or rejection. Having a community of people that believe in you is key in the most challenging moments, as they will be there to bolster you confidence and self belief to learn and keep moving forward.
FINAL WORDS.
Fear of failure, success or rejection can all be paralysing, but understanding why you have the fears that you do, and then learning how to work with them will empower you to move forwards with more self belief, trust, confidence and resilience.
I hope you found this post insightful and that it will help you in overcoming whatever fears are most present for you.
That’s all for today - Until next time,
DCM x