With all the transformations we see on the internet, or the number of people selling us quick fixes - it perpetuates this belief that overnight successes are the majority, rather than the exception to the rule. Then, when we set ourselves big aspirations and don’t make it happen in the impossible time frame we’ve given ourselves, we get despondent, and often this results in giving up or changing approaches to early, even before we’ve allowed enough time to see if our initial approach would actually be effective. 

The majority of transformation happens below the surface, and often it takes a lot longer than we think it will.  

As Tony Robbins says - “Most people overestimate what they can do in a year, and they underestimate what they can do in two or three decades.” 

Sometimes it can look or feel like nothing is happening because the pace of development is so incremental…

It’s like the classic example of Bamboo - for the majority of its development, the growth is happening below the surface of the ground. It is invisible - but that doesn’t mean nothing is happening.

Let me explain more…

• Year One: we see no visible signs of growth.

• Year Two: we again see no visible signs of growth…is anything even happening?!

• Year Three: again no growth above the soil…surely this is hopeless?!

• Year Four: Again no growth above the soil…our resilience, patience and persistence is seriously being tested!

• Year Five: A miracle occurs as the bamboo breaks through the surface and grows upwards of 80 feet in just six weeks!

I’ve chosen five photos to share in this post that you can see in the gallery at the top of the page.

The reason for that, is that I’d like to offer an accompanying lesson that each of the pictures depicts. So without further hesitation - let’s get into it!

Photo’s 1 AND 2 - A side by side physique before / after photO AND A side by side FACE before / after PHOTO.

The photo on the left is where I began this journey in 2016. At that time I was 69kg. I was at the end of my time as a vegan (though I didn’t quite know it yet). I was heavily focused on aesthetics, specifically with the desire to be ‘Shredded’. This was fuelled by my need for external validation.

The reality of the situation was as follows;  I felt insecure, never good enough / inadequate, anxious, depressed, unhappy, unhealthy, obsessive compulsive, my hair was thinning, very low libido, just generally in a pretty bad place. However, for whatever reason, I had yet to put two and two together - that the cause for the way I felt was entirely self inflicted by my aspirations to fulfil a certain belief system in my head. To dogmatically follow an ideology that I had told myself would provide me with the answers, and that would finally make me feel ‘good enough’. It wasn’t much longer after this photo that I then hit my lowest point. Which was when I decided that something drastically needed to change.

This marked not only the beginning of a transformation to gain back all the weight I had lost, but also to do the deeper internal work that I knew had been the cause. 

I knew that I held many outdated narratives, belief systems, fears and aspirations that would no longer serve the person I wish to become. 

It was time to do. the. work.

I started researching more about nutrition and health, and I got professional advice from two of the individuals in photos four and five - Alex Kirkup and Dom Rapson. Through their guidance with nutrition and training, and also supported by my own personal experimentation to dial in what felt best for me -  I eventually started to see the improvements that I was seeking. Gradually over the last 5 years, I went from 69kg up to 91kg during a long term massing (weight gain) phase, and then cut from 91kg down to 85kg (my current comfortable resting weight) in the final cutting (weight loss) phase. The full process saw me gain roughly 16kg of lean muscles mass, and arrive at a lean resting body-fat percentage that is manageable and in-keeping with my lifestyle choices.

I also started personal development - and began the journey of working with my first coach. We started to unpick a lot of the old narratives that were still playing out, he started to challenge the negative and self limiting beliefs I held about myself and the world, he helped me explore what my values were, and he helped to create a vision that I finally felt aligned to. Finally, he then supported me in making that vision a reality. I mentioned him recently - his name was Mo Mastafa.

The photo on the right is me now, weighing in at 85kg - 16kg / 35 pounds / 2.5 stone more muscle, not quite as lean, healthier. The reality of how I feel now is as follows; lean enough for me, muscular enough for me, strong enough for me, feeling good enough for me, content, self-validated, healthy, happy, fulfilled, and value aligned.

 It took me a long time to realise that what I wanted at the start (six pack lean, idealistic way of living and being, driven by external validation) didn’t and doesn’t serve any other purpose for me other than a shallow desire to maintain a specific aesthetic. The sad reality was that in pursuing that aspiration, I became a shell of myself.

In hindsight, what I really wanted was validation, to be seen, to be recognised. At the time however, I unfortunately placed my attention in the wrong places, and chose the wrong vehicle for growth and development, which resulted in some seriously negative outcomes. 

The reason I wanted to write this blog as a supporting article alongside the images, is because you can’t see what has been most valuable for me throughout this transformation - the internal development that took place for me over the last 5 years. The battles with how I felt about myself, how I viewed myself, what I considered possible for me, what was driving my decisions to behave the way I was behaving, my fear and scarcity narratives, and my decisions and reasoning for needing to change. The long periods of self exploration and of unlearning and re-education. The past 5 years have been a re-examination and process of discovering what is truly important to me, what validation from myself looks and feels like, and living by my own personal values. It has been a process - one that is still on-going and probably always will be - but I can confidently say, I feel good about where I’m at right now. Five years later, I now understand myself to a much deeper level, and I’ve found what works best for me…or at least so far. 

So what are the lessons that I want you to take away from these first photos, so that you may avoid some of the struggles I have faced? 

• Make sure the juice is worth the squeeze. To explain using the above example - was it worth sacrificing my physical and mental health, my enjoyment of food, my wellbeing, and my enjoyment of life, just to be ‘shredded’ and so that I could stick to an ideological way living? 100% NOT. Always check in with yourself at the start of a pursuit or goal - why am I seeking this outcome? What do I hope to get? What will it give me that I don’t already have? What purpose will it serve? What will I have to sacrifice in order to get it? Am I willing to sacrifice all of those things? Does the benefit of achieving / having that thing outweigh what I lose? Be sure that it is 100% worth it, or you may end up regretting your choice, and wasting your time. Of course, should things not go as we hoped, there are always lessons that we can learn from - but if you can learn that lesson from myself or somebody else then better to save yourself the hardship.

• Transformations are just as much, if not more, of an inside job than they are an outside job. Often it’s not about the actual thing we are striving for. What we are seeking or striving for, is to feel a certain way. We are seeking change. We wish to feel or think differently of ourselves, or we wish for other people to think or feel differently about us. On the journey to achieving what we wish for, we will learn so much about ourselves. In the wise words of Tony Robbins - “it’s not about the goal, it’s about growing to become the person that can accomplish the goal.” So rather than just specifically thinking about your outcome, to get more insight, you can ask yourself the following: What will achieving this give me that I don’t already have? What needs to change within me so that I could achieve this aspiration? What would accomplishing this goal mean to me? What am I hoping to feel more of when I accomplish this goal? What am I secretly hoping other people will think or feel about me when I accomplish this goal? Are there more beneficial / wholesome ways of seeking this feeling?

Photo 3 - This is a graph depicting the final phase of my transformation. 

This graph depicts the final phase of my transformation, which was a weight loss period of between 12-14 weeks. In this period of time, I came down from roughly 90KG to 85KG - a total loss of 6KG / 13.2 lbs / roughly one stone.

What this image also shows, when you look a little closer, is that progress is rarely linear. 

Much of my journey over the last 5 years has been pretty much the same. It’s all been heading in the right direction, but with periods of maintenance or plateaus, and lots of ups and downs. 

A key thing to remember when pursuing big aspirations, is to pay more attention to the longer term trend (general improvement in the right direction), rather than the day-to-day or even week-to-week short term fluctuations. 

The key take aways from this are simple, but powerful if actually implemented.

• If you fall off the track, don’t use it as an excuse to give up. Don’t over think it, and don’t berate yourself for it - just get back on track as soon as possible."Get back on the horse.”

• Doing what can be done daily - think about this similarly to compound interest. The small daily achievements all add up, and before you know it your progress forward is snowballing. Stay the course.

• Be uncompromising with your pursuit, but be willing to be flexible. If you have longe term goals, the likelihood is that you will have to be flexible and willing to make modifications to your approach along the way. Continuing blindly when something isn’t working, just because it was the plan, is a sure fire way to fall short of your aspirations. As one of my coaches said to me, “there are many ways up the mountain - don’t discount any of them. Hopefully you’ll be lucky enough to stumble across the helicopter, but if not, the walk is also enjoyable. You still end up at the same destination.”

Photo 4 - My Goals from December 2017. 

This is a page from my old journal outlining the goals I set myself in Dec 2017. 

What this image doesn’t show is that I set myself the goal to achieve all of this in 12 months by Dec 2018. In hindsight, as great as the aspiration was - it was a little unrealistic for me to achieve all of it within that time frame, especially with the resources I had at the time.

The majority of that list was actually ticked off within the year, and 3/4 years later I’m pleased to say that all of this has happened - and more. 

The only thing that has changed on that list, is that the first house I will be purchasing will be in West Sussex, rather than Cornwall - though the Cornwall home is still on the list for the future!

There are a few lessons I want to share with this picture, they are as follows:

• Try to be as measured and as realistic as you can when setting your aspirations and goals - Being overly ambitious can quickly lead to frustration, impatience, overwhelm, disappointment and hopelessness. This is why I’m a big proponent of doing what can be done today. Have your eyes on the long term prize, but then break this aspiration into a number of milestone goals (projects), and break these projects into a number of tasks. Then make your aspiration completing that first task. Overtime these small tasks will compound, and you’ll be crossing the finish line of your goal.

• Prioritise - Don’t create a situation of multiple competing goals that makes each considerable harder, or impossible to achieve. For instance - I had the two competing goals of saving for a house, and saving for travelling. It is possible to save for both if either you have a large income, or if you have an extended time period. In this instance, I had neither. I was pretty much setting myself up for failure. In this instance, it’s important to prioritise.

• Don’t underestimate what may be possible longer term, and be open to the evolution of what could be achieved, and what may be possible - Despite not specifically saving 10k for travelling, through realising the aspiration of teaching internationally, my work made it possible for me to see many different destinations around the world (12+ countries). Here are some other things I was able to achieve since:

  • cleared 10k worth of debt and loans within a year.

  • Invested roughly 25k on education and personal development

  • Qualified as a transformational coach with Animas

  • Qualified as an Advanced clinical massage therapist with Jing

  • Wrote and delivered my own Teacher trainings around the world.

  • Worked with national and olympic athletes

  • Worked with high profile clientele

  • Developed a relationship with my life partner that truly fills me with happiness.

  • Worked with coaches and therapists myself to overcome much of my limiting beliefs and self sabotaging behaviours.

  • Worked and continue to work with clientele that truly inspire me.

  • Developed better relationships with my family and friends

My intention with sharing this isn’t to brag, but with the hope that In sharing what I was eventually able to achieve, despite my initial goals being much more modest.

I hope it begins to make you consider what could be possible for you.

If you set your sights on something and are willing to persevere, to be patient and to continually strive forward - So much more than what we believe is possible can be a reality.

Photo 5 - loved ones and the support network. 

The final image is a collage of all the people that have supported me the whole way through this process. 

Unfortunately I couldn’t fit everyone in, so if you can’t see yourself and feel you should also be featured - please know I appreciate you more than you know, and forgive my oversight. 

My reasoning for including this last image is just to share the importance of gratitude, and giving recognition and praise to all the people in my life that have made it what it is so far. 

All of this would have been infinitely harder had I not had the support, guidance, love, nurturing, trust, teaching, experiences, mentoring, coaching, therapy, and even the challenges and objections that I’ve been lucky enough to receive along the way.

Here are some special mentions:

• My family: they have supported me since day one. If it has been right for me, they have backed me in every possible way. Without them supporting me, I know much of what I’ve achieved over the last five years would not have happened.

• My life partner Eve: she has been my P.I.C since day one. She has been a mirror to me for all my areas of growth, and she has backed me with all of my pursuits and grand aspirations. Eve has been beyond patient, even through the times that have been incredibly challenging (especially the debt year). I couldn’t be more grateful to have such an incredible lady by my side.

• My friends who have always backed me, supported me, questioned me and challenged me when I needed it most. You all know who you are - you don’t need to be listed.

• My coaches, tutors, teachers, mentors and therapists along the way, and at present.

• All the people that have supported me by giving me opportunities to do what I love to do and share my offering - including the people, festivals, events, studios and destinations I’ve been lucky enough to collaborate with

• All the people I have been fortunate enough to work with, to teach, coach, and mentor. I’m forever grateful that I’m able to do the work that I do, and always inspired by the amazing people I have the pleasure of working with.

That’s about all I have to share in this post, but I hope you have taken something of value from reading this. If all you take is one thing, then the time creating this post has been worth it.

Until next time - do what you know can be done. 

Lots of love ,

DCM x